A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don`t have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can`t believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS."

A boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?"
Granny replies: "Screw the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

vīrs sievai-paskaties kāda jauka diena šodien!
Sieva aizdomīgi-kas ta nu?
Vīrs -nu Tu tač teici,ka vienā jaukā dienā iesi prom no manis!

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?`
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L`.
TEACHER: No, that`s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it`s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn`t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I`m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ` I.’
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, ‘I am.`
MILLIE: All right... `I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.`
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father`s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don`t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on `My Dog` is exactly the same as your brother`s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It`s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Labs, Mizx!

А вот и три стадии опьянения женщины:
1. Ой, какая я пьяная...
2. Кто пьяная? Я пьяная???
3. На вопрос таксиста "Куда едем?" треснусть его по голове сумочкой и сказать: "Не твоё дело, скотина!"

А своих слабых и больных детей трансформеры сбрасывали со скалы на Землю... Так появился ВАЗ...

Степени загрязнения носков:
1 Непахнут
2 Пахнут
3 Воняют
4 Стоят
5 При поподании в стену медленно сползают вниз
6 При поподании в стену висят
7 При поподании в стену медленно ползут вверх
8 Когда вы заходите в автобус - все выходят из автобуса
9 Когда вы заходите в автобус - из него уже никто не выходит

Поймал Старик Хоттабыч золотую рыбку - и поняла рыбка, что это п#здец

Только наши программисты, чтобы отдохнуть от компьютера садятся смотреть телевизор.