Joki un Anekdotes I
20. Janvāris 2011, 00:52
03 December 2010 17:00:36 Strikermx rakstīja:
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VL3IxGAnno&feature=player_embedded
[/url]
Šitais gan labs!
Joki un Anekdotes I
20. Janvāris 2011, 00:55
Joki un Anekdotes I
21. Janvāris 2011, 00:21
http://www.u-tube.ru/pages/video/90541
Pēdējo reizi laboja Strikermx - 21. Janvāris 2011, 00:22, kopā labots 1 reizi.
Joki un Anekdotes I
20. Februāris 2011, 17:20
Kā joks, bet patiesībā jau nemaz nav smieklīgi:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense , who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn`t always fair; - and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don`t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn`t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I`m A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense , who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn`t always fair; - and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don`t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn`t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I`m A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Joki un Anekdotes I
10. Marts 2011, 23:08
NOAH TODAY
In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain in Queensland first for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah Weeping in his yard - but no Ark
"Noah!," He roared, "I`ve started the rain in Queensland! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a Building Permit.
I`ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector About the need for an on-board sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I`ve violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my Backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to Go to the Councill Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power Lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the Passage for the Ark`s move to the sea. I told them That the sea would be coming to us, but they would Hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There`s a ban On cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Mopoke."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the the Mopokes - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They Argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in A confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn`t build the Ark until they`d conducted an environmental impact study On your proposed flood."
"I`m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I`m Supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can`t use my sons. They Insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Australian Taxation Office seized all my assets, claiming I`m trying to leave the country illegally With endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 Years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared over Queensland , the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you`re not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Australian Government beat me to it."
In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain in Queensland first for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah Weeping in his yard - but no Ark
"Noah!," He roared, "I`ve started the rain in Queensland! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a Building Permit.
I`ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector About the need for an on-board sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I`ve violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my Backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to Go to the Councill Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power Lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the Passage for the Ark`s move to the sea. I told them That the sea would be coming to us, but they would Hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There`s a ban On cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Mopoke."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the the Mopokes - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They Argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in A confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn`t build the Ark until they`d conducted an environmental impact study On your proposed flood."
"I`m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I`m Supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can`t use my sons. They Insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Australian Taxation Office seized all my assets, claiming I`m trying to leave the country illegally With endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 Years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared over Queensland , the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you`re not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Australian Government beat me to it."
Joki un Anekdotes I
17. Marts 2011, 12:05
Labs par lētajiem lidojumiem:
Joki un Anekdotes I
17. Marts 2011, 14:39
Anekdotes ir gan par vidējiem un parastiem latviešiem, gan igauņiem, gan krieviem.
Dzirdēju vienu par ēbrejiem:
Viens ēbrejs zvana otram:
- Paklau, Ābraham, tu taču vakar biji pie manis viesībās?
- Nu biju... kāpēc jautā?
- Redzi, ir tāda lieta - vakar pazuda pāris sudraba karotītes...
- Vai tad tu domā, ka es tās nozagu?
- Nu it kā nē, jo tās karotītes vēlāk izlietnē atradās - taču rūgtums sirdī palika...
Dzirdēju vienu par ēbrejiem:
Viens ēbrejs zvana otram:
- Paklau, Ābraham, tu taču vakar biji pie manis viesībās?
- Nu biju... kāpēc jautā?
- Redzi, ir tāda lieta - vakar pazuda pāris sudraba karotītes...
- Vai tad tu domā, ka es tās nozagu?
- Nu it kā nē, jo tās karotītes vēlāk izlietnē atradās - taču rūgtums sirdī palika...
Joki un Anekdotes I
17. Marts 2011, 17:33
Birokrātija:
Joki un Anekdotes I
17. Marts 2011, 17:54
Ome: